In the SL metaverse, if there’s a hangout place where Dominants and submissives get together, sooner or later a submissive training course will pop up.
I understand the intent of these courses. I really do. They are meant to teach submissives new to SL the ropes of D/s interaction in the metaverse. They are also meant to be a gathering for new and experienced submissives to share experiences, impressions, feelings, and lessons learned in a no pressure setting. At least that is the intent I believe “submissive training” sessions should have. Often though, these “sessions” often aim to conform people to a certain mold, as if submission could be mass-taught.
I beg to disagree with such a perspective.
In my mind submissive training is not really a group thing. Much less a “course” where you can “standardize” submissives to a set of behaviors.
What can be discussed in a “submissive training course” in my opinion can be reduced to 3 major areas.
- Online safety: Identify and avoid predators, preventing emotional abuse, the importance of safe words, SSC and RACK, what do they mean and how to practice both play styles in SL, and the importance of the holy trinity of communication, respect and trust. I know that said like this it sounds like a little, but trust me it is not. It’s a lot to cover.
- Online etiquette: Assertiveness, respect and dealing with conflict. The goal of this part should be to give potential submissives the tools on how to behave respectfully, assertively, and solve conflicts without falling in the trap of drama and attract undue attention to themselves, while letting their own personalities and humanity shine while not being stymied by models.
- The art of emoting: In the metaverse, where there is no physical contact, it is very important to properly transmit what a submissive is feeling. The focus here is to take those feelings, emotions, sensations that are being communicated by the dominant, internalize, and express the emotional, or mental, or physical reaction to them. This should be the most important part of the so called training.
The rest should be between the submissive and his or her dominant, as it should be. In my mind, D/s is a one-on-one endeavor, almost exclusively. D/s is intensely personal, intensely involved, intensely customized. What works for one D/s couple often is completely unacceptable to another, and vice versa. It’s what makes D/s rich, exciting, and ever innovative and challenging.
