Sometimes, stress gets to us in weird ways. It may show up as a permanent state of hyper vigilance, always looking out for the next drama bomb to explode and bracing for it; other times it can show as constant weariness, lack of energy, and a sensation of futility about one’s life and purpose that makes every day unbearable.
We all know the first situation. That is what we live every day, to a greater or lesser extent, in our contemporary world. That kid of stress is dangerous, but it is easy to identify and deal with — take a break, slow down, or engage in vigorous exercise are some of the common-sense recommendations that we usually hear to deal with this kind of active stress.
The second situation, however, is far more insidious, and just as dangerous as the first one. It develops slowly, surreptitiously, with the daily grind of life piling up, sapping energy, dulling your expectations, imposing limits, until it finally shows up as an overwhelming sensation that you can not bear with anything anymore.
This is what burnout is, essentially, and that is what happened to me.
Starting this past February, Second life had started to feel like a burden on me, and at the time I was still dealing with my mother’s treatments and recovery. It was difficult for me to see her weak, vulnerable and — for the first time in her life — not fully independent, having to rely on her child for support during the therapy.
I undertook this task with open eyes and conscience; I felt it was my obligation to her as her child to protect and support her now that she needed it most, like I had relied on her protection and support when I was a child.
Being so fully absorbed in caring for my mother though made me feel like everything else was piling on me at a moment when I needed to be fully focused on what I had to do, and so everything else I had in my plate, Second Life included, wore me down and out, to the point that I had no energy to feel the care and support of my online family.
So it was that I decided to take a step back, and forget about everything else for a while. I placed Second Life (and everything else) in the back burner and, as soon as my mother’s therapy was concluded, I focused on myself, on getting my energy back and to improve my mental health, which had taken a large hit and had dragged me down to the point of feeling depressed and quite, quite useless.
That was in February. Now, in April, after a much needed mental cleansing, I am back in Second Life. I am still not fully in as I was before; I will be gradually increasing my activity until I reach my pre-depression intensity. It will take time, but I will eventually get back on my feet.