Recently a friend of mine posted in her blog about when is it “too much” in a D/s relationship. I would like to leave a brief relection about that.
Too much is when the lines become blurred between what is play and what is abuse; too much is when friends and loved ones worry about one’s mental well-being.
Too much is when one accepts being cut off from one’s support network. Too much is when one is so eager to please, to serve, that one is willing to close an eye on the red flags.
Too much is when one seeks the extremes to such an extent that one normalises one’s own thrill-seeking and seeks out those who will give that thrill, regardless of the human connection.
I could go on with examples, but it would be too much of an exposition.
Ultimately, there is one sure-fire measure for when the extreme becomes normal.
When is it too much? It’s too much when even one starts thinking, “this is not right, this is too much.”
When the brain starts sending those thoughts, perhaps it is the time to take a step back, pause, and process whether one comes out fulfilled at all from that thrill-seeking.
If the answer is yes, then one must take precautions and guard oneself against falling prey to those who would take advantage of one’s needful state.
If the answer is no, then perhaps it is the right time to take a step back, process, analyse, and have a frank conversation with oneself, so that a sane balance is achieved between the need for the thrill and the need for one’s safety. This is especially true online, where people can hide behind the mask of an avatar or an alternate to hide their true selves and not having to face the responsibility that implies real, meaningful possession of a submissive. It is not just about the use given to the sub; it is also about the care given to them in order to understand them better and lead them effectively and responsibly in exploring their natures.