Recently, I shared with you all that I had found a D for my submissive needs. Per is an excellent person, a strong Dominant, a honourable man, and like me in many ways that make him a very compelling choice for him to be that D that I have been longing for.
I may yet give in and accept that I belong as Per’s submissive; but, for now, he and I are taking a step back and staying at a vanilla level of relationship — boyfriend and girlfriend — and I feel that will be the case for a while.
Allow me to elaborate.
Per and I met a few times at places we both visit; there was some chemistry, and intimate play felt good and fulfilling; there was a pause, and when he and I reconnected, I was reticent, but I finally was willing to go ahead with something I have wanted for years now, and I said yes to his proposition. It felt good, I won’t lie. But everything felt so sudden, so rushed, so to speak, that suddenly I had serious doubts about whether or not I was taking the right choice.
I admit, I panicked.
I wanted to run away. I did run away, I told Per it wasn’t working out. Then… he did something no one had ever done before.
He fought for me.
He told me he was not going to just give up on me. He told me that he wanted to be with me, that he loved me.
Yes, the L word was uttered in that discussion.
More than the word, though, what impacted me the most was his determination to make our relationship work. That, to me, meant a lot more than any amount of empty talk I have gotten from others. Such determination, I thought, must be given a chance.
In that context, we decided that it was best for us, given that I was not feeling my submission, to keep things mostly as a vanilla relationship. We both agreed to this, and that is where we are now.
Updated Jan. 20, 2023: Per and I spent some time doing the C part of the CRT — Communication. He had already gained the R in the CRT, Respect, by standing up and fighting for his relationship to me; and his patience in letting me process everything showed a degree of confidence and assuredness that eased my fears, and I became convinced he was worthy of the T in the CRT, Trust. That is how we have established a few ground rules moving forward:
- No-one but Per will get to see my submissive side.
- Everybody else will see only my dominant side.
- Per will know in clear terms when I am yielding to him.
- I get to wear a symbol of our commitment.
It was a good negotiation, and I am happy with the results; I am, once again, in the care of Per as his Babygirl — something no one else will see.