So, it has been a while since I have updated, and I am sorry about that. There are several novelties on the discovery front that are worthwhile bearing out.
First, Per and I are done.
It happened over several months of me asking him to pay more attention to me, to be on more reliably. He never really tried hard to meet my request — in fact, he didn’t try at all.
I won’t go into the details that grated against what I had hoped our relationship could become. Those details do not belong to anyone who is not Per and I. Suffice it to say, I felt like I was being used when my presence was necessary but no further.
Now I know there are some who would jump at the chance of having a dynamic like that; personally, having been in similar relationships before, not once, not twice, but three times, I am done with that kind of dynamic. My patience, and my willingness, have a limit, and I have reached it.
This latest episode has vividly shown me that that kind of attention is not what I seek for in someone who wants to be a dominant in a D/s dynamic for me.
What I want — no, not what I want, what I need, in short, is someone who can be reliable.
I need someone whom I can see regularly, at known times; I need someone who can respect me as a person and treat me in consequence, but at the same time one whose authority is above question. Someone whom I can respect, communicate with, trust, and appreciate, but also whom I feel I could obey without hesitation.
That someone, unfortunately, is not Per. For all of his qualities, we were not meant to be.