Rights

I published this post originally in 2015; however, the topic at hand continues to be relevant, so I propose it again.

 In Second Life, the metaverse where I spend most of my free computing time when I’m not otherwise occupied with work or other social activities, I am active in the D/s lifestyle, where I am known for being a good female Dominant.

 What does being a good Dominant mean, though?

 One thing that in my opinion separates the really good Dominants from the players and the wannabes is, seemingly, one that everybody in theory agrees upon, but in practice it is very seldom seen in the Second Life metaverse.

 That deceptive little something is akin to the big, honking, bold, all capital ASIA written on a world map across the largest landmass of the Earth, but one that many overlook when asked to point it out,  because they think Asia is a tiny hamlet in the Northwestern corner of, say, Idaho (I’m making this up) rather than the largest continent in the world. That Asia, that glaringly obvious thing that is so easy to overlook, is RESPECT. And, more specifically, respect to the rights that all submissives have as human beings.

 Reading through Lexi’s blog, maintained by my log time friend Lex Berchot, perhaps one of the best submissives I know in the Second Life D/s community, I came across a good post regarding submissive rights. It is enlightening that something as fundamental as this is discussed, and sobering (and somewhat alarming) that some in the online D/s lifestyle still think that submissive rights are optional.

 To state my position clearly: I believe, firmly, that submissives are bestowed with certain, inalienable rights, whose exercise may be waived through negotiation within the context of a proper, non-abusive D/s relationship, but never overridden or vacated. Such rights are also a tool for Dominants to control their charges so that they may not unintentionally or intentionally cause harm to themselves, be it physical or emotional.

 Let’s break this down in parts. It’s important enough that I’ve mulled over this for two days, and now that it has my full, undivided attention, I won’t release this argument until it has been properly laid out and discussed.

 First, I agree with Lexi’s statement that submissives, as persons, have rights, even in the context of a power exchange relationship. That a submissive, given the absence of physical harm inherent to virtual worlds, may choose to not exercise his rights, is not germane to this post. But that those rights exist is a given.

 Second, given that the first point is unquestionably true, one might ask, “what’s the point of having a BDSM sub or slave then? Don’t they automagically surrender all of their rights to Me, their God on Earth, so that I decide in whatever way I see fit what to do with them or to them?” Let me answer that right now with a resounding “No”.

 You can’t make a submissive be a doormat just because you as a Dom or Domme choose to, or because you believe that the only right kind of submissive is the silent kind. Similarly, you can’t go around beating submissives’ backsides to a red pulp just because you think that anyone who does not immediately kowtow to you and does whatever you say perfectly and without question has it coming to them.

 Instead, you and your prospective human doormat have negotiated that he or she wants to be a doormat, with no rights whatsoever, not even the right to speak or go to the bathroom without your express authorization. Similarly, you and your prospective whip whore have negotiated that whenever they commit a mistake, however minimal, their behind will be beat into a red pulp.

 In other words, “It takes two to Tango.”

 The submissive and the dominant need to have previously established a sufficient amount of CRT between them – yes, even if that means just talking for days, weeks, or months on end – so that the submissive can feel that he or she can freely and confidently exchange with the dominant his or her wish to waive the personal enforcement of some (or all) of his rights, relying instead on the dominant for controlling what has been surrendered in the negotiation.

 Third. The absence of actual, factual physical harm in virtual worlds does not exclude the possibility of emotional damage. Indeed, it’s my experience that metaverses such as Second Life enhance emotional intensity, and emotional damage, whether intentional or not, is much easier to inflict.

 The submissives’ bill of rights is there for submissives to know that is exists, but let’s turn the idea around as well: The submissives’ bill of rights is a tool for us dominants to monitor our submissive, to keep him or her from going into behaviors that might be harmful to him and that would violate his or her rights as a person.

 Because, after all, they are our charges.