This is, again, a post from my 2015 archives that I still find relevant today.
This installment will be about safety. In the BDSM lifestyle, as we all know, safety is paramount. So many things can go wrong, that it’s never beyond the scope of discussing the lifestyle to emphasize proper safety cautions when scening with someone.
In real life, safety is extremely important, especially in high-risk situations. Take your time doing things, check restraints, ropes, gags, and furniture, so that your scene partner won’t be damaged by ropes, cuffs, furniture, etc. Since there is no “relog” option in real life, you need to take care of your scene partner’s fleshy shell as best as you can to make sure no unintended harm from the toys you’re going to use.
In SL, safety is twofold.
You need to check the furniture and/or toys, make sure the scripting works as intended, that your RLV relay functions properly, that it’s set to the playfulness that you desire. As a Dominant you can also check that the furniture is working as intended on the top side, and that the menus are not overly glitchy.
That takes care of the “pixel” aspect of things; but the important thing is the emotional safety of your play partner.
Make sure she or he is focused, aware and responding promptly; delayed responses that are not justified by a previous explanation can mean that your scene partner is having difficulty dealing with the situation. Emotional damage in Second Life can be as intense as real life damage.
Make sure you know your partner’s safeword.
Make sure you know your partner’s safeword.
Yes I repeated that. I did it on purpose, because it’s that important. Just in case…
Make sure you know your partner’s safeword.
There. Point drilled in.
But there’s also something else.
Make sure you know your partner’s limits. (repeat other two times).
Yes it’s that important.
Limits – hard limits – are the things that someone is not willing to do, ever. They are akin to guard rails, to use an automotive metaphor. Hard limits can be probed, very gently, and carefully, in an established relationship. Only now after over three years of relationship I am (sometimes) gently probing my Amy’s limits regarding needles and sharp objects in general.
Soft limits are more freely pushable, but again to use an automotive metaphor let’s define them as “the barrels full of water in the highway that are put there before the guard rail”. Meaning, use caution probing soft limits.
Also, more importantly, be aware of your own limits. No matter what your role is – dominant or submissive – everyone has limits. Be wary of people who say that they do not have limits. They probably do not know what they are talking about. For me, the definition of “no limit” in Second Life is “someone who is either dumb as a sack of hammers or someone who is just playing Second Life for cheap thrills.”
As I read somewhere, “saying you have no limits is the fastest way to find out that you do have them and to test the adequateness of your health insurance”.
On a final note, always keep the communication open with your partner. In Second Life, you can do many nasty things to your partner in open chat… while keeping a no faults environment in instant messages. Keeping things human and the communication flowing is key here.
I can’t think of anything else for the moment, but do comment on this post with more ideas. I welcome feedback.