One more pearl from my archives, this time from 2016, which in my opinion does not belong in the archives but here.These past two days I’ve been feeling indisposed with a nasty stomach flu. I’ll not go into details as to what that does to me. However, this time allowed me to think about a few things, and among those things there is one that increasingly bothers me about some people in SL.I refer to those famous seven letters that together spell R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Or, more appropriately, to its increasing absence in the SL community.
Let me emphasize once more what respect means to me. Respect means to hear your interlocutor out and let him or her be himself or herself. Respect means to not assume or judge. I know that I have been guilty of not respecting others in the past. I have been judgmental, and rash, and hasty. I have made peace with myself over my own past lack of respect to others, and I try to stay balanced and be respectful. Sometimes it isn’t easy, because sometimes some people are simply jerks.
Increasingly though, I have seen that the generalized lack of respect that has made SL sometimes difficult to bear has crept into the kinky community. This cannot pass, and I must speak out against this.
Respect is fundamental to a D/s relationship that has any kind of meaning beyond the mere satisfaction of sexual kinks.
Not all women are submissive, and not all women are straight. By the same token, not all men are dominant, and not all men are straight, either.
It follows that not all D/s relationships have to conform to the male dom / female sub dynamic. Variety is the spice of life, and it is perfectly okay to have female dom / male sub, female dom / female sub, and male dom / male sub relationships. There is nothing wrong or immoral about any one of them, nor is the D/s that works for those couples wrong. It is, simply, different, and worthy of respect.
I have made a point of basing the relationship I have with my Kitten on respect, care and trust. I respect the fact that it was Kitten who gave herself to me, that it was she who begged for my collar, that she did so when she felt she was ready. Like me, Kitten has a past of getting her heart broken more than once by people who said one thing, but then did its exact opposite. I have done that too, I am not proud of having done it. But I have learned. I have to thank my wonderful slave for making me see my past, reconcile myself with it, learn a lesson, and move forward with my life.
Yes, Doms can learn from their subs too. We should not be so proud in admitting it. D/s is a relationship, and in a relationship the partners grow and learn from each other. Saying that I as a Domme have learned things from my slave is not something I am ashamed of, nor am I too proud to say it. And that is another dimension of respect: Acknowledging that those who surround you can teach you things, perhaps useful and valuable ones, if you take care and time to stop and listen.
We should not be so self centered to think only in terms of me, me, me. We should think of that person who has chosen to share their lives with us, and make all efforts to obtain something that gratifies her… and us. If we do not, how is it any different than playing with yourself? Self-gratification is easy. Gratifying another person while also taking pleasure from it… is hard. But it is also respect: It respects my needs, but also the other’s. If that isn’t there… well then there is not much of a relationship left, is there?
Anyhow. I’m done ranting.
Respect each other, love each other. Your lives will be better, and your relationships — with anyone — will be better.
With love,
Anne.